The end drags on, they say.
So get your rest and enjoy the last moments without baby, they say.
Okay. Cool.
Cool, cool, cool. But here’s the thing, “rest” doesn’t exactly feel that good at the moment; not physically or mentally. If I sit for too long in one spot everything starts to throb. So I get up and walk around, because walking is good, I’m told. But then as I’m walking I remember one more email I have to send. One more thing I have to do. Will I be able to do things once baby is here?! I have no idea.
And so I do the things and try not to think of the one really big impending thing. The thing that could come tonight. Or maybe tomorrow. Or maybe in a week.
The thing that will change life as we know it, forever and ever. And we’re excited for this change, and as ready as one can possibly be for such a change. But telling us not to think about it? How exactly does one do that?
Because I’m struggling. It’s taken me two hours (actually a full day now) to write these four paragraphs because my mind is all over the place. I go from wanting her to arrive yesterday, to reminding myself this extra time is needed and I need to wrap things up with my work stuff while I can.
And even though I know a big change is on the horizon and it’s literally all I can think about it, there’s still a small part of me that keeps thinking once this pregnancy is over things will “go back to normal.” But then I remind myself that the normal I once knew is no more, it’s time to learn a new normal. And then I’m back to being anxious because I want to get to learning already. I want to figure out this new life, the one where Chris and I learn to raise a little human, a tiny little version of us that calls us mom and dad.
Until that happens, we wait… and try to “enjoy” this time…
My due date is today. Send me some good 11/11 delivery vibes if you don’t mind. 🙂
