It’s five minutes to noon and I’m already exhausted. I’ve forced myself from my normal work space on the couch to the kitchen table in an attempt to stay awake. Being 22 twenty weeks pregnant may play a part (the second trimester energy has never hit me unfortunately) but I also know there’s a lot more going on here. There’s societal exhaustion, worry exhaustion, media exhaustion, just everything that is 2020 seems to be so damn exhausting.
I sometimes feel like it’s still mid March. Like we got stuck in this time warp and every once in a while I’m allowed to come out of it and be in the present, but if I’m not careful I’ll fall asleep and wake up and wonder what I want to do for my birthday. But my birthday was two months ago.
I’ve heard from a lot of friends this week who don’t feel like themselves. The same worry from when this pandemic all started is returning, or perhaps it never left we just tucked it away for a bit, and the fear of the unknown is just too much. It’s so emotionally draining and makes any task, even the easy ones, seem 100 times more difficult than they usually are. (This post is going to get lighter, I promise. Hang in there with me.) And it’s not going to be a pandemic post either, we’ve got enough of those right now. I actually sat down with the intention to write about my Sunday scaries from the weekend and how I somehow managed to overcome them and start tackling tasks I’ve put off for literally months. Perhaps it will help someone else who feels a bit like they’ve been floating along, stuck somewhere between March and July, between feeling okay one minute and on the verge of a breakdown the next…
I’ll try to keep it quick, because like I said, I get sleepy often.
As we were driving back to Denver on Sunday after two relaxing days spent hiking in the mountains I could barely talk my anxiety was so high. In the past I could have attributed this to too much booze over the 4th of July, maybe I’d done or said something stupid. I’d chalk it up to a chemical reaction in my brain and know I’d be better the next day. But I didn’t have any booze, I haven’t in months, and we weren’t around any other people. It was just Chris, me and Harlow. So why in the hell was I so anxious?
For me personally, my anxiety is all fear based, most of it based on fake situations I’ve made up in my head. Fun, right? Yet I couldn’t figure out why was I so afraid to come back to Denver. I like Denver. I like my routine. I like work… Ahhh there it was. Work. The teeny tiny tasks I’d been putting off for months, giving myself the deadline of July 4th, had finally come around. It was time to do the Impossible Tasks, a phrase coined by someone else, but someone who clearly understands anxiety.
Impossible tasks are different for everyone and certainly aren’t limited to any one area. It can be an email you need to respond to, or a text, a small task done in the house, or outside, the possibilities are endless. Mine are usually pretty small (but overtime they grow huge in my mind) and even though most of the tasks are rather simple and will usually be nothing but beneficial for me to complete, for whatever reason a little voice in my mind keeps repeating, don’t do it.
Don’t do it. It’s too much. The outcome is unknown. Overthink it instead. Sit on it for another month. It’s too hard. Stay away. Take a nap instead. Naps are safe.
I know, I know. It makes no sense, but that’s what anxiety thrives on.
Luckily, I’ve got some tools to combat this. And I pulled them all out Monday morning.
Step 1.
Wake up early and let your first thought be one of excitement rather than dread. Lie to yourself if you have to. Flip your fear inside out.
I am so excited to get all these things done today. I am so excited to be productive. I am so excited!!! Say this looking in the mirror with a big scary joker grin.
Step 2.
Take a pen to paper and write a quick gratitude list.
I’m so glad I get to work from home. Completing these tasks allows me to keep doing this. I get to be with Har all day. I get to make my own schedule.
Write some mantras.
I live the life I want. I live the life I want. I live the life I want. (I like to repeat things.)
Step 3.
Ease into the tasks.
I told myself to just start with 20 minutes. Take 20 minutes to look at the platform of the new thing I have to learn for my business. I can do anything for 20 minutes. And guess what happened in those 20 minutes? I took the mask off the scary task and saw it for what it was… just a simple task.
Step 4.
Once you’re feeling good about getting shit done KEEP GOING. Don’t stop. You’re pushing through resistance and raising your vibes. The Universe responds to action.
Step 5.
Repeat daily as necessary. When you get off course sprinkle in some self help podcasts, my go to lately is the Esther Hicks podcasts. Get in the vortex and stay there. 🙂 Remember that you don’t have to listen to every thought that pops into your head. It’s your choice to let them sit there or pass right on through.
And that’s my quick guide for tackling the impossible tasks.
Does this post make any sense? I have no idea. But I’m not going to overthink it. I’m going to hit publish and walk away because I have a 20 minute block of time for something else I need to do right now.
Keep. Moving. Forward.
This year is tough but you are tougher.