This is a not going to be a post where I complain about the weather and the fact it is very much making me go insane because getting up every morning and dressing in 18+ layers (for 6+ months now) in order to walk inside into air that hurts and is completely grey and soul sucking starts to get a little depressing.
THIS IS NOT THAT POST. So no need to worry.
Instead, today is a little break from the medical study posts, and is more of a ramble/what’s been going on lately. But judging by the insane amount of comments on my medical posts, it’s safe to say you guys are loving them! (*zero comments.) Which leaves me flattered and humbled to say the least! And to say the most. So thank you. THANK YOU!
So this is where I’m at right now – the mind circus!
Jk, kinda. I’ve got this wild idea/goal to finish the book I’ve been half-ass working on for nearly three years now, by my birthday (which is May 16th.) Originally, I was hoping to finish my first book by the time I was 30. And by 30 I mean 25. And by 25 I mean 20.
So I’m about a decade +1 year behind. But never the less, she persisted.
I’ve found this sweet spot of writing time for me, 6 a.m.-noon, so I’ve been striving to hit those hours everyday to get up and get work done. I missed today (because sleep) and I’m not happy about it. But I’m still hoping to make it to my spot by 11:00 a.m. to get some words down.
So now you know where I’m at when I’m not here, because it just so happens that sweet spot of writing time is also when I prefer to blog.
I’ve been forcing myself to choose fiction over blogging, but it hasn’t been easy. Because as I’ve said numerous times before, this is my happy place. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been writing blog posts consistently for about ten years now, or if it’s just because I’m a hack, but writing blog posts comes so much easier and freer for me, than the book I’m working on. Which is an interesting switch, because ten years ago I used to free write fiction all the time and couldn’t stop, and when I started blogging the posts felt so hard and forced.
I guess I just answered my question from above. What we focus on/do daily does actually does get easier! CRAZY! Mind blowing.
For motivation, I’ve been reading Stephen King’s memoir, “On Writing.” There’s a lot of good nuggets of wisdom in there that have really helped me, one of the biggest being, “If you’re not really here to write and take this serious, then leave now. Go wash the car.” (I may have paraphrased just slightly, but the message is the same.)
I tend to romanticize things a lot in my head. (Blame it on my INFP personality.) I dream things up of how I’d like them to go, how I think they should go, and they don’t always pan out that way.
For example, this is how I envision writing a novel:
I wake up early, refreshed and happy, so EXCITED to start writing fiction. I take my seat at my beautiful desk that overlooks a beautiful lake that sits at the bottom of beautiful mountains, and then I crack my knuckles out in front of me, and BAM! The words just flow.
I immediately fall into the magic writing space where the characters start writing themselves and it’s as if someone has taken over my body and I’m just the communicator. That place where I reread a sentence I just wrote and think, I have no idea where that came from, but man oh man, I am a writing genius!!!
Words. Words. Words. Flow. Flow. Flow. Oh what fun it is to be a writer!! Happy. Fun. Magic.
But…. But that’s not how it usually works out for me.
It’s usually more like:
Drag self out of bed at 6:00 a.m. Get coffee. Sit on couch. Self loath for a bit. Stare at computer screen. Ask self, why are you doing this? This is shit. I should start over. I feel like I’m walking into a dark tunnel here. Why am I doing this? This makes no sense.
Repeat, you got this. Just start. Write. Just one word. Just start. One sentence. For you. You got this. Over and over until you finally dive in and just start typing and hope for the best.
In truth, that magic writing space does exist, I know because I’ve been there. I discovered it at a really young age and I’ve been chasing it ever since. But in order to get there, you have to first walk barefoot through a forest of knives and bees and lava. And there’s always a new monster just waiting to jump on your shoulders at any given moment and whisper in your ear, “turn back. you can’t do this. turn back. this is a waste of time,” while you walk down the cold dark forest for miles and miles and miles. You have to learn to fight off the monsters, or just carry them on your back anyway and ignore them.
And once you get past all of that, you then have to make it past the messy kitchen you should clean, or the drawers you should organize, or the freckles you should count.
But… but if you make it through all of that, you’re there! (Usually.) And now you might have ten minutes or ten hours, one never knows, so you have to take full advantage.
I’ve rambled long enough.
The point of all this to say that my plan is to finish the book and once I do, I’ll post it on a tab on my blog so I can force even more fiction down your throat! At this point I just need to release it, it’s been inside of me for too long and I’d like to send it on its way at last so then I can move on to… another story idea that will torture me. Fa la la la la la la la.
Favorite quote from King’s memoir thus far:
(when referring to a writer’s muse.)
“It’s right that you should do all the work and burn all the midnight oil, because the guy with the cigar and the little wings has got a bag of magic. There’s stuff in there that can change your life. Believe me, I know.”
Happy Spring, friends! Enjoy this lovely uplifting weather we’ve got!!