I’m having one of those “deep Monday,” guys. It’s a day where I find myself speaking in metaphors and pondering every career choice I’ve ever made while simultaneously searching for inspirational quotes on Pinterest.
For example, today’s post almost started out like this,
“Do you ever have one of those moments when you realize you’ve been fighting the current to get to a point in the ocean where you’re not even sure you really want to be?”
But after some thought, I figured I should probably provide a little backstory before I go and start a blog post with something that felt poetic at the time, but I know within an hour or two would probably make me lol with big snarky chuckles. *it has officially been a few hours since I wrote that and I’m officially snort-laughing at myself.*
Free blog advice: Write when you’re emotional, post when you are not.
Anyway, let me back up here, the church bells are ringing down the block at the old Polish Catholic Church so I know it’s noon, which means I’m giving myself a do-over for today starting…. now. I’ve been up since 6 a.m., but haven’t done anything productive as I found myself in a pickle of t-shirt woes all morning and gave into it 100%.
Doesn’t matter what happened, I’m sure you can guess. What matters is that I let it get to me. And it got to me for my entire morning. I sat on my couch in a ball of worry and frustration and anger and indulged in every terrible feeling until five precious hours had slipped through my fingers.
And that’s when a quiet voice inside of me finally whispered,
Why are you doing this? You have the choice to let this go.
And once I remembered I had this choice, it was like I could feel a bag of bricks being lifted off of me. I don’t know why, but I always seem to forget I have a say in the thoughts that flow through my head. I can either hold onto them, or simply let them pass right on through.
This goes back to what I learned reading the Surrender Experiment, sometimes it’s in our best interest to surrender to what the Universe is giving us rather than fight it. And yes, there is a difference between surrendering and giving up. As a naturally hot-headed, stubborn, and typically overly-competitive person, this doesn’t come easy to me. But I will say it almost always feels a helluva lot better in my heart, stomach, mind, ext when I choose the “let go” path, rather than “let’s go battle this shit out,” path.
I would never say that you shouldn’t stick up for yourself or your business, I’m simply saying be conscious of which truly serves you more. Sometimes the battle is more one-sided than you know. And is that really worth your time and energy, anyway?
As for that “fighting the current” statement, allow me to explain. Lately I feel like I’m walking this fine line of trying to grow my business within my life, and letting my business be my life. I started (and continue) this blog because I have to write to feel normal. I’ve learned this about myself and it’s a good thing to know. This is my happy place. If I could write eight hour blog posts every single day, I would.
I started my business of social media/tshirt lady stuff for basically two reasons:
- To be with Harlow every minute of the day (attachment issues) and hopefully to help a few other dogs through tshirt donations.
- So I could get away from the corporate world and be my own boss and give myself a schedule that would allow me time to work on my other creative stuff.
I’ve nailed number one. Harlow is curled up in my lap as I write this and for that reason alone I will always be so grateful for the T-Shirt lady life and those of you that support it.
Number two; I have not nailed. I allow myself to get so caught up in growing every aspect of my business, and “keeping up” with every other blogger and business on social media, (and then getting upset with myself when I can’t) I seem to have forgotten why I wanted so badly to work for myself in the first place… to hopefully avoid the rat race, spread some good animal vibes, and then have some time to work on the projects that really inspire me.
And yet I’m not doing that. Because I’m standing in my own way, (almost intentionally it seems.) I take full responsibility for allowing all of that other shit to get into my headspace. I write off the several hundreds of hours I spend on Instagram as “work,” when it reality, it’s just wasting time/letting my ego go nuts with the fun comparison game…
I can’t shake the feeling that I’m constantly fighting to get a place I’m not even sure I want to be.
Worlds Best Instagammer?! T-Shirt Maker?! Social Media Extraordinaire?
All of these are great titles, don’t get me wrong. I have no disrespect for those who are working hard to achieve this, it’s just never been a goal for me. Yet this is where I put all of my time and energy… and I don’t know why.
I’m always hesitant to share stuff like this because I don’t want it to ever seem as if I’m not grateful to be in the position I am. I know how I lucky I am. I’ve had those other soul sucking crappy jobs. And now I have a job I enjoy and I get to be with my dog all day long. I just think it’s important to check yourself and remember why you started. What it is you had in mind when you took that leap of faith… And if something starts to feel off to you, it’s probably because it is. I’ve learned that usually means there’s a burst of fiery, creative energy inside of you, just itching to get out. And you can either ignore it and continue on with what you’re doing and it might go away. Or it might not, in which case you’ll always have that dull pain inside of you that usually starts with the “what-if, I-wish-I, maybe-someday…” thoughts.
Or you dig deeper and listen to it. You work hard to let it out. See what might happen with it. Didn’t every great idea start as an ache inside someone wishing to do more?
And on that note, I think I’ve shared too much today. Did I mention I was having an introspective day? I hear we have a new moon.
I’m going to go now before I scare some of you off forever. But here’s a few thoughts I’m trying hard to focus on today (they aren’t new and I’ve shared them before) but just in case you need a reminder…
The vibes we put out are the vibes we get back.
Whatever it is you want to do, start it now. Then don’t dwell on the fact it took you ten years to begin, feel grateful you didn’t have to wait ten more.
Our thoughts create our reality, choose wisely.
The Universe is abundant. The only place it lacks is in your mind. (So don’t let it.)
Trust the vibes you get, energy doesn’t lie.