Today is Friday the 13th.
My birthday is this coming Monday the 16th, thus meaning I’ve lived my entire life being haunted by the fact I’ve had to live through several Friday the 13ths in order to get to my birthday.
As a child this terrified me. Something bad was bound to happen, it only made sense. I blame scary movies and Catholicism for my fear of weird random shit.
Hear me out here. Growing up, I had a very real fear that I would get possessed by the devil at least once in my life. I’m still a little surprised it hasn’t happened to be honest. Everyone in the catholic church knows the devil is lurking in every dark corner looking to take over your body when he finds you in a moment a weakness. And I was doomed to be the child it happened to.
I slept with a cross and a butter knife under my pillow from the years 1992-2003. The butter knife was for intruders, obviously. And the cross was to keep demons away. Obviously.
How did I get this way? Well, let’s take a look. For starters I’m pretty sure the prayer, Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, I was taught to say every night didn’t help much.
“Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.”
So my chances of dying in my sleep must be pretty high if I’m reciting this every single night, was my thought as a child. And if God doesn’t take my soul, someone else will. Holy shit, I am doomed.
And thus the phobias began.
Anyone ever heard of Worry Dolls? I had those under my pillow, too. I grew up in a time when Xanax wasn’t a thing for kids yet, so instead my parents tossed me a few Polly Pocket sized “dolls” made out of string and told me to go nuts.
Let’s take a look at a few of the scary things that I just couldn’t get over as kid. Most are movies, some are natural disasters, and one is Ali Fedowski. Like how is she famous? For real? I can’t get over it. She was an annoying contestant on the Bachelor who worked at Facebook and now she’s in movies and on TV. Really?
Anyway.
1. Poltergeist movies.
Never saw one, didn’t need to. I knew enough to know that when my TV went fuzzy it meant death was near.
2. Prank calls.
A phone call with no one else on the other end = someone hiding in my basement with a chainsaw ready to kill me.
3. Stigmata movie.
I couldn’t shower for weeks after watching Stigmata.
*And by watching I mean hearing about the movie and watching one preview.
4. The movie Ghost.
I can still see the black fuzzy demons taking that bad guy to hell when he dies. This was very real to me.
5. Tornados.
Which tend to occur in May in Nebraska, typically on Friday the 13th (in my world, anyway.) Anytime I heard a siren I’d head to the basement- cats, dog, and Beanie Babies in tow, and start saying my hail marys. The end was near.
6. Basements.
Where demons live. So tornados were extra hard for me because no one else in my family took them seriously so I was always alone in the dungeon, praying a tornado wouldn’t hit, whilst also praying a demon wouldn’t get me in the process.Talk about a double edged sword!
7. Blair Witch Project.
Never saw it. Still scared the shit out of me. I stayed away from night vision on video cameras for at least ten years because of it.
8. Bloody Mary- not the drink.
To this day I refuse to look in a mirror in the dark. Why risk it? WHY?
9. The grave scene in Now and Then.
Because like, Dear Johnny clearly shows up. I see him.
10. Three Men and a Baby.
No. No. No. No. No. No. I know a 1920s ghost boy when I see one.
11. Jon Benet.
When I was little, I used to think about the questions I’d ask God when I got to heaven, “So… Can I meet Jon Benet?” was always in my top three. It might still be. I need to know the truth. We all do.
12. Flushing the toilet in the middle of the night.
I can’t really explain this one, it’s just always felt too risky to me.
13. Friday the 13th.
Be safe out there, everyone!
What irrational fears do you have? Do share!
