All Of My Friends Are Having Babies

Yesterday I got a text from a friend I’ve know since childhood showing me photos of the beautiful baby boy she just had. I got her text while I was in the middle of dressing up Harlow as the Great Gatsby.

You know, from the scene when Leo is wearing that gorgeous creme sweater and he just looks so chic and nautical as Gatsby? Yeah, that one. Harlow totally nails it.

Anyway, I got my friend’s text as I was rolling up Harlow’s sleeves and I suddenly thought whoa. WHOA. I may have accidentally let my life get a bit off course… I’ve become that creepy childless friend who dreams of having a farm of dogs rather than a family of children. Sure it doesn’t seem weird now, but give me time. Soon enough all of my friends will have their beautiful families and I’ll be “aunt Taylor” who visits at birthday parties and comes covered in dog hair wearing a tie dye shirt with a Wolf on it and gifts homemade dream catchers as birthday presents.

“I made you a dream catcher with your name on it this year! Do you like it? That right there is an illustration of one of my dogs’ who I think looks just like you!” And I cackle like a lunatic as I hand the gift over and all of the children run in fear.

Okay I’m getting carried away. But that’s a fun visual, right?

For the record I don’t think people who choose not to have children are creepy at all. Likewise if you choose to have ten children, that’s not creepy either. To each their own Duggar clan. All I’m saying is that all of my friends are pregnant, trying to get pregnant, or on their second child and I’m sitting here googling “tricks to win the lottery” and wondering if I should make another video of impressions of child actors.

It’s astonishing (and terrifying) to me that people my age and younger have figured out how to successfully bring a new human into this world. I just tried to bring groceries in and two of my bags ripped and I spilled an entire gallon of milk five feet from my door and I almost broke down and cried. Because now I’m going to have milk ice near my stoop and dogs are going to stop and lick my milk ice and some are going to pee on my milk ice and I’m just going to slip on my milk ice.

So that’s where I’m at- struggling with my own life while my peers are creating new life. Always a few steps behind it feels like.

I’m not against having children by any means. I know that someday I’ll want kids (for blogging purposes obviously) and also because I’ll want to dress that baby in adult style clothing (like business suits and stuff) because the only thing that gives me a chuckle more than animals dressed as humans are babies dressed as adults. Take this time to google babies dressed as adults and you won’t be disappointed.

This feels like one of my good old fashioned ramble posts where I have absolutely no way to end it. I sure hope you’ve enjoyed it, it’s been a weird one.

I guess I’ll just conclude by saying congrats to all of my friends having babies and making it seem so damn easy. And congrats to all of my friends not having babies and making it seem so damn easy. As long as one of you can still meet me for brunch on the weekends I think we’ll be okay in this life.

Is it Friday yet?