If I Was The President + Just the Elevator Pitch

If I was the President here’s just a few quick things I’d take care of right away.

1. I’d make a law that McDonalds has to serve breakfast all day, every day. My craving for their hash-browns doesn’t just go away because it’s past 10:30 a.m.

2. If you’re caught being that jerk while driving who knows their lane is ending, but insists on driving to the front cutting off everyone else anyway, you will be forced to get out of your car and hold a sign that says “I’m an inconsiderate asshole” on the side of the road for the next five hours.

3. Going forward, Michael Vick has to give 50% of his NFL salary to dog rescues for the rest of his life.

4. People who knowingly leave children and animals in hot cars will have to go to a special “hot prison” where the temps are above 100 degrees at all times.

5. Duvet covers are outlawed.

6. The CEO of Comcast will be forced to set fire to every single Comcast building in America.

7. And the Kardashian/Jenner clan are kicked out of the country for good.

Just a few house keeping items that I’m sure would make us all a lot happier. And now to introduce you to a very funny gal who used to be a fellow Chicagoan, Nicole from Just the Elevator Pitch.

The Bloody Marys are OK in Arlington but compared to Chicago, this is just a glorified V8.

1. So I have to know, why the switch from your previous very successful blog (Not Before My Tea) to Just the Elevator Pitch?

The honest answer is that I did it for my own sanity when I was moving from Chicago to the DC area.

Leaving Chicago was very, very hard for me; I felt like I was leaving behind a pretty significant chapter in my life that I wasn’t even necessarily finished with. I wanted to keep blogging but not in the same place that had so much of my Chicago life all over it. In a weird way, I thought starting over with a new blog would making starting over with a new life easier. I guess I never learned that lesson kids are supposed to eventually learn, that just because you cover your eyes doesn’t mean the other guy’s not still there.

The answer I’m going to tell the NY Times if they ever ask though, is that I wanted to change the direction of my blogging away from brunch recaps to more relevant, “real person” stuff. Like the whole Ray Rice debacle or, you know, toast.

2. And you left Chicago! Do you miss anything about the Windy City?

Yes, and every day I’m torn on my feelings towards your lovely city. On one hand, I’ve never seen so many amazing Bloody Marys in one spot. But then on the other, it’s really nice to feel my face in October.


3. How is life in Virginia? 

It’s a lot different here. I work at a law firm in DC which, as you can imagine, is really relaxing and totally low key. Even though I’m originally from Baltimore, it’s taking a while to adjust to the difference between the laid-back Midwest attitude and the East Coast frenzy. For some reason, there seems to be less time here.

4. What are you looking forward to about fall?

What? It’s fall? Why didn’t someone tell me?


5. What has blogging taught you thus far?


More than anything, that it’s important to not take it (or yourself) too seriously. Like with most things, you’ve got to remember to keep your sense of humor. Otherwise, it’ll all drive you nuts.

Between moving from Chicago to starting my new job in DC, I took the most amazing, spontaneous Groupon trip to the Azores in anticipation of my quarter-life crisis. This is the picture I use when I want to humble brag about it.