One month ago I walked into Chipotle over lunch and there you were. You were exotic looking, in a Southern Illinois type of way, with your long black hair tied back in a rubber band and a twinkle in a your eye. You said, “Welcome to Chipotle, what can I get you?” And I knew you were special, I just didn’t realize how special yet.
I told you I wanted a salad because I’ve tricked myself into believing I’m eating healthy at Chipotle if that’s what I get, as opposed to a burrito that weighs about the same as a newborn. And because their meat is all like farm grown or whatever I feel like I’m doing good for the earth. I like to think I’m doing Nebraska a favor.
You started filling my white little container with lettuce and then black beans (I always want pinto but I feel like black beans are healthier) and then with your kind eyes you asked “what kind of meat?” And I looked down to the floor because I typically hate this part. It usually just leads to disappointment. “Barbacoa” I mumbled.
And then it happened. As if you were the patron saint of meat at Chipotle you started layering my meager bed of lettuce and beans with more barbacoa than my little heart could desire. I looked up as if to say what is happening right now? But you just continued on like it was nothing. Because that’s the type of guy you are, Chipotle Guy. The type who gives extra meat just because he can. You’re getting harder and harder to come by these days.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I would never see you again after that one magical day.
Now when I go into Chipotle I can barely contain my rage with the lack of meat I am given. Nobody wants to be the bitchy person who whines, “um excuse me, but can I have more meat? You gave the guy in front of me at least half a spoon more.” I know better, I just shouldn’t watch the guy in front of me because it’s pathetic. But is it? IS IT? Are we rationing meat now, Chipotle? I can only assume the amount of barbacoa that is given out per day is taken directly out of your employee’s paychecks because they hoard it. The meat is their power and boy do they hold it over us.
But now I’ve gone and got myself all upset again and that wasn’t my intention. Like Emily Maynard would say in my heart of hearts I really do love Chipotle. I suppose I could just pay the extra $2.00 for additional meat. But that’s my guac money. I know it might seem like it when I come in there buying chips and a drink sometimes, but I’m not a millionaire, Chipotle Guy. I’m just a regular girl who wants her fair portion of meat is all.
I sometimes almost wish that one day would have never happened. It’s like that book I read in middle school, Flowers for Algernon. Maybe ignorance really is bliss.
I’ll keep coming back to Chipotle hoping one day I’ll find you again. How can I not? If we lose hope what else is left in the world?
Call me,
-Crazy Eyes
So funny!! Hope you're Chipotle guy is just on vacation! I'm obsessed with their bowls…so fresh and good!!
Missed Connections is one of my favorite little guilty pleasures. The stuff people put on there "saw you at a red light….me black truck….you kia optima….our eyes met…you flipped your hair…let me know if you felt the same thing"….those people are crazy!
Amanda | Meet @ the Barre
Ok well now I want Chipotle and it's only 10 am…… this will kill my productivity for the day.
Missed Connections… I can't stop reading them.
x
I may or may not have been known to throw a fit over guacamole. (not at Chipolte, lord knows they give you your money's worth!) For $1.25 I got a teaspoon size and was told it would cost more if they added more. I *might* have told them to just scrape it all off then. Pretty sure I'm known as crazy guac girl at that place now. Whoopsie.
the guy who gave me triple the corn salsa- i want to marry him and have his babies
k the fact that you found a way to incorporate flowers for algernon, perfection.
Haha your english teachers would be so proud you found a way to tie flowers for algernon into your Chipotle experience.
hahahahaha this is awesome. i always look to see how much meat and cheese i'm given. i need help.
Haha, love when you find those workers that make your food just how you like!
I knew I shouldn't have read this… it's 11:39 a.m. and I'm 2 seconds away from running out the door for Chipotle now! p.s. you're hilarious
Chipotle guy moved to Toronto. I have met him and he is an angel among us. God bless you, Chipotle guy God bless you and your extra meat.
I am cracking up at this post.. simply because, I am usually lucky and get the deserved meat when I go. on saturday went to qdoba and got my naked burrito as always and was skimped on every.single.thing. my bowl was literally half the amount it normally is.. it was packed and i had already taken a seat with my two crazy kids and swallowed my pride and just ate it… so pissed though.
And now I want Chipotle for lunch instead of the salad I was planning on…
Chipotle guy, where are you?!?!
I want chipotle now and I brought my lunch to work. DAMMIT.
Everytime I am at chipotle I ask for more of something! They look at me like I am insane. I feel your pain.
Hahahahah!!
Ugh the people at Subway are even worse! What is that ONE cucumber going to do for me?!
I am the person that asks for more. I have to LOL…if you ask for a little more and not extra they won't charge you. The meat is the best part of chipolte!
Am I the only mind hanging out in the gutter when the words extra meat are quickly followed by getting harder and harder?
" But that's my guac money."
GET OUT OF MY HEAD. Holy shit.
PS your Target post has been making the rounds for at least 10 of my facebook friends (real life friends?) and on each one I comment "OMG the author Taylor Wolfe is a comedienne in Chicago and she's the funniest ever!" Doing my part. I want them to know that I KNOW the next upcoming famous celebrity. (blog life friends?)
(this got awkward)
Thanks for giving me something to make me fell good this afternoon
No no…they give you less meat so you HAVE to ask for more and that's when they slide in "that's an extra charge" and you say "that's fine" because there are 12000 people in line behind you waiting to hear what you say…THAT almost happened to me this past weekend….I got less meat than I would've liked BUT he did add a lil more – on his own sheer free will
That stinks he hasn’t been back since. I can always tell how good my Chipotle is going to be based on who is working. Maybe he'll find your blog and read your ode to him and go back to that Chipotle. Dare to dream, right?