A few Sundays ago I decided it was time, it was time to make my first batch of chili for the season. So I went to the grocery store around noon to pick up the necessary ingredients. Have you been to the grocery store on a Sunday around noon before? It’s like Satan’s playground full of unhappy families all arguing over whether they should buy another frozen pizza or not. Obviously I’m not talking about my beloved Trader Joe’s. I had to go to a good old fashioned grocery store because I needed a parking lot because I couldn’t ride my bike on account of all the cans of beans and tomatoes I was having to buy.
I made it out of the store after barely finding everything I needed- this had something to do with the fact the other customers all seemed to be purchasing food as if the apocalypse was about to happen. I couldn’t find the right sized ground turkey I needed, so I just bought the smaller one and figured it would be okay. I just had to get the hell out of this store. After returning home, parking three blocks away, and then attempting to make it inside with all eight of my bags before one of my arms broke off, I made it to my front door. Having a case of GSA (Grocery Store Arm) in the city is the absolute worst. Chris helped me unload the bags and the first thing he said was, “Do you think this will be enough meat?”
And I damn near lost it. He might as well have said, “I think we should sell our first child for meat.” Because I just freaked out and screamed back, “Why in God’s name would you even say such a thing?” Followed by a few more unnecessary, very dramatic lines.
Looking back, I think the thing that upset me the most was the fact that he knew I obviously wasn’t going to go back to the store to get more meat, and he obviously wasn’t going to go back to the store either (because football was on TV), so why say anything at all? Regardless, my response was completely unwarranted and just downright crazy. Sadly, I have a feeling I’m not the only girl guilty of this behavior. Which brings me to today’s post:
Things That Boys Do That Make Girls Crazy. (Or at least me, anyway.)
1. When we’re texting and then I call you and you don’t answer.
I clearly know you have your phone. So just pick it up already so I can find out something that is probably pretty pointless, like if you want goulash or quinoa surprise for dinner.
2. When you sit in my car and refuse to wear your seatbelt.
I wish I could say this is because of safety, but it actually has more to do with that damn beeper that will go off for 68 minutes until you do decide to buckle up. The seatbelt beeper saves lives, but it ruins relationships.
3. Messy cooker.
I know I should just be happy Chris is a wonderful chef and really loves to cook, but the fact of the matter is that when he’s done cooking it looks like a tornado just ran through the kitchen leaving behind debris of grease and italian seasoning everywhere. Then again, I’m kinda an OCD cook and I prefer to clean as I’m cooking. Chris likes to blindfold himself and toss things behind his back into the skillet and hope for the best.
4. When you casually mention you’re going out with friends and say I can “come along if I want.”
Well do you want me to tag along or not? This one kills me. Especially when he then responds, “I don’t care,” regarding when I asked him if I should come or not. Note to boys: just say yes, yes I want you along.
5. When you say I shed my long hair in the bathroom drain, but in reality it’s you who sheds like a Yeti.
No further description necessary.
6. A toilet paper roll with only three squares left is just as useful as an empty toilet paper roll.
Three squares isn’t going to solve anything. I know boys don’t quite understand the physics of this, and probably never will, but three squares is useful for one thing and one thing only, and that’s dabbing bronzer off our face when we’ve accidentally made our chin three shades darker than our neck. 50 shades of bronzer… now that’s a book I need to write.
7. The bathroom mirror.
I just don’t understand how a mirror can get so dirty in less than a day. Serious question, when boys shave do they use a Crazy Daisy to rinse their face off? Or do they just put a bunch of water in their cheeks and then smack them together like Kevin McCallister and watch it fly all over?
8. When I put stuff away and am accused of “hiding stuff.”
Shoes, keys, socks, wrinkle spray, wallet, jeans, phone charger, headphones, razor, jacket, Dear God the list goes on and on of things I have “hidden.”
9. When you leave one chip in the bag and put it back.
Especially when they’re Cool Ranchies. Just save me the pain and destroy all of the evidence, would ya?
10. When we watch a movie or TV show I’m excited about and you’re on your phone the. entire. time.
At least pretend to hide your phone behind a pillow or something like I do when we’re watching football.
Ha! I love this. And actually, I really like chili. haha.
This cracks me up! Especially #5. I mean hellooooo, at least you know the long hair I shed is from my head. Just sayin'.
8 and 9. YES.
I can relate to so many of these! Except the hair in the shower drain, that's definitely me…
For the life of me I can't understand why they tear up the kitchen just to make scrambled eggs on a weekend morning. How do they manage to make such a mess? But bless their hearts for trying 🙂
oh to have a man that cooks! I could only dream of that. "Chris likes to blindfold himself and toss things behind his back into the skillet and hope for the best." hahaha
The bathroom mirror drives. me. CRAZY! When he shaves his face with an electric razor little hairs seem to go everywhere. He thinks he cleans up after himself, but he's a male so he gets what he can see at a glance.
For me it's when my bf calls out from the kitchen where's the (fill in the blank). He knows where items are and if he can't find it can't he open a cabinet and look?
Love! There have been so many nights that I clean the kitchen and have to remind myself to just be grateful that my husband cooked dinner and just clean up his tornado of a mess!
So funny!!! I can totally relate to the bathroom mirror one – seriously how do they get it so dirty in a matter of minutes and then walk away like they don't see anything.
Guys and bathrooms = gross. The sink actually grosses me out much more than the splash marks on the mirror. Sometimes when I'm brushing my teeth I had to close my eyes or else I'll gag.
Dammit Taylor this is so good. No really this is my life. Esp the grocery store thing. It is hell in there be nice or you don't get to eat.
I agree with every. single. item. on your list!!!! Perhaps we need to make this a public service announcement for boys. We might be crazy, but they make us that way! Mine has a habit of leaving empty boxes and bags in the pantry in fridge. Completely empty, not even one left. I Think it takes more effort to put it up like that then to just throw it away!
I'm divorced now, but the one thing I REALLY don't miss is the water all over and around the sink! The tiny pieces of hair after shaving too. Two reasons I may never share a bathroom with a man again.
Separate bathrooms. My aunt and uncle had their own bathrooms and she said it was the best thing they ever did!
You've hit the nail on the head again! #1 & #2 are my biggest ones. Men! Can't live with them, can't live without them.
haha messy cooker is the worst!! I am scared of touching the counters when he is done ins the kitchen. And saying I can come if I want. Shoot me now. I hate when he says that!!!
Yes and Yes…to all! Except at least yours leaves you 3 little squares, all I'm left with is the stuff thats stuck on the roll that won't come off!!
Crazy daisy, I'm SURE of it! And the water on the floor every time they go anywhere near a sink, bathroom or kitchen. HOW?! just how? And I hide things too, most of the time it's things I've hidden in places HE has put them. Spot on.
I'm a girl, and I do a lot of those haha
My husband does ALL of these things. So annoying, God love 'em.
Hahaha #8 hits home. My husband and I just got married 2 months ago and I am constantly being accused of hiding his stuff because I don't leave it in the middle of the living room where he drops it. I've resorted to leaving a cardboard box on the table and throwing all of his shit in there; now he knows that is where all his "missing" stuff is. Lordy.
1, 6, 7, 8 are daily things in my life.
Out of the two of us, I am the messy cook but I always clean RIGHT after. If D cooks…. he wilk swipe at the counters wih a rag but they will still be messy! You hit the nail on the head!
ARGGHH #9!!! makes me SO mad.
HAH!! "A toilet paper roll with only three squares left is just as useful as an empty toilet paper roll." I might print this out and just give it to my boyfriend. It kills me when he leaves three squares… or nothing at all. I understand that he might only need TP once every 5 trips to the bathroom, but we can't just shake it off. Men… I tell ya.
And it will never ever ever EVER change! My husband is always accusing me of hiding his stuff when I put it somewhere. When I tell him where said thing I "hid" from him is, he will look and tell me it's not there. I then go to look and it's right. there. like the first thing that you see. And he says I'm unobservant. He will also put back empty jars of pickles, olives, etc back in the fridge after he ate the last one. I just don't get it.
Ahhhh #1 is probably one of my BIGGEST pet peeves!
Couldn't have said it better. This is wonderful! My husband is guilty of every.single.one.
TAYLOR! Do you live inside my head? For real– I could add to this list, but seriously.. the shedding. Multiple times a week, I have to take the vacuum hose and clean my white, kitchen tile floors of my fiance's curly q, pubic hair looking chest hair. It's disgusting and makes me sick. And then in the bathroom, he leaves a mess behind. Seriously, how does hair get on the back of the toilet? And this is behind the toilet seat? I'm just gonna stop now– he's sitting next to me and I feel myself wanting to strangle him more and more.
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OMG. I totally just laughed out loud at most of those, as they are SO TRUE. Answer your phone, as I know you have it! And the hair in the drain is ginger— I have brown hair!!! Get outta here with that!
You are so funny. I think I may have hit the boyfriend jackpot as he hasn't committed any of these crimes yet… he even once texted me that he woke up with "a long hair on his face" and said "Yay! Dani!" (This has to be a lie, but it's the thought that counts.)
<3 The Daily Dani
yes yes yes.
#3 is by favorite the most annoying! i mean, why does it take so much mess to just make eggs?
Or when they "look" for something and can't find it, despite it being right where I said and in plain sight! But I do wish my husband would cook even a little bit 🙂
3,6, & 8…. You are not alone in these struggles. I deal with this bs every damn day… The price we pay for love and companionship. haha 🙂
50 shades of bronzer sounds like a New York Times best seller already!
This post could not be more accurate! Number 4 is a sure fire way to start a fight in this house. Why can they not just say yes or no??????
I thought it would be fun to comment before I read. I hope that the fact it takes men forever to put their shoes on is on the list.
GAWD all of these. Esp the crazy daisy sink rinser! Also do they spit their toothpaste straight at the mirror?!
Oh my gosh you nailed it on the head with these! I'm totally with you on the messy cooker thing…it's like he comes in like a tornado and goes to sit on the couch after dinner saying well that was good, i'm just going to sit here a minute. A minute turns into 15 and I end up cleaning the disaster of food everywhere. Thank goodness for dogs right? At least they can kind of help the floor situation!
#1 is the worst. Pick up the phone, asshole.
That's just what I say. I feel like you're way nicer of a girlfriend then I am.
Woman, you are hysterical.
It is terrifying how true this really is….
Haha, these are all SO true! I think my husband does all of these things and #1, 3, 4, 7 and 10 are the ones that REALLY get me so fired up about something that is ultimately small. I swear it's because he picks my most stressful day to do ALL of them! 🙂
I nodded along to this list
Ah men! We do love 'em right?
I love love love this!
I could not agree more with number 4…
Ugh so annoying!!!!
alllllll of these things. all of them. boys. …
You kill me. #1 is my biggest pet peeve.
YES on the bag of chips thing. Except Greg puts an empty bag back in the cupboard. Even empty milk jugs he puts back in the fridge. Just throw it out!
Men…………………..what can I say………….I think they all do these things, this post had me laughing and saying h yeah………….we love them but living with them is stressful……………
Omg the chips. No you weren't going to eat those crumbs. We have that conversation at least weekly.
And the shaving hairs. HOW do they get everywhere and why can't they clean them up?!
Love this so much 🙂 Im forwarding it to my husband immediately 🙂