The Shut Down

What a week. I was just about to start recapping what has been going on as of late, but then the Today Show went and played a clip from Glee’s recent tribute episode to Cory Monteith (or Finn) and now I’m a wreck. I don’t even watch Glee, and I’m not exactly a huge fan of Lea Michelle, but I am a human being with a beating heart and that was just plain sad.

But anyway… the government has been shut down for about two weeks now and would you look at what has happened in those two weeks:

1. Kris and Bruce Jenner are getting divorced.

2. Khloe and Lamar are getting divorced.

3. Kim went blonde.

4. Kylie admitted she was indeed born a boy.

5. And Kendall admitted she knows she’s the prettiest of them all and most likely not related to anyone in her family.

Which proves my point that the Kardashian family was ran and manufactured by the U.S. government. And without the government around they have officially gone to shit. Don’t act like you all weren’t thinking it too.

Here’s the lovely trio just a few days ago on the golf course saying hello to the paparazzi. Way to flip off the hand that feeds you.

Maybe it’s still the little bit of Topeka blood I have left in me, but I’ve always had a secret suspicion the Kardashian/Jenners are in cahoots with Satan. How else do you explain such a talentless, narcissistic family of black haired robots becoming so famous? It just makes sense. They made a deal with the devil.

I don’t want to point fingers, but since we’ve been talking about it lately I just realized who Bruce Jenner seems to resemble…

Old Headless Billy Butcherson. Apparently that’s what being in love with a witch does to a man.

Anywho…. enough Satan talk. Last night was my last level four class at IO, and Monday will be my last level one Conservatory class at Second City. I just can’t believe how fast it’s going.  It’s such a crazy journey but for some reason I want it to slow down. I’ve just got this feeling I’m currently living the moments I’m someday going to look back on and think of as “that crazy wonderful time in Chicago when things were just getting started…” Or perhaps I’m just being hopeful, which I’ve been known to do.

In just eight short weeks I’ll have to audition again to continue with the conservatory, and in about sixteen weeks I’ll have to audition to continue with IO. It just continues to get more competitive by the day. And even though it makes my stomach turn in knots just to think about it, I also kind of really like it. I’ve recently really gotten into Ted Talks and there was one episode where the speaker said something along the lines of,

“You know the those times in your life when you’re scared and excited and nervous and happy all at the same time? The moments that once they are over they just leave you in an absolute state of euphoric joy? Those are moments when the Universe is trying to tell you you’re on course, you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing. Listen to the Universe in those moments.”


I may have paraphrased slightly, but you get the point. I’m all over hippy dippy stuff like that. Especially on nights like last night when I was walking home from IO and it was just one of those perfect fall evenings. It was just above sixty degrees, leaves were lightly falling from the trees, and the moon was high in the sky. It was just one of those moments when things felt right.

But it was quickly interrupted when I got to the intersection of Lincoln and Belden and was suddenly faced with a shit storm of drunk college girls in their crop tops and leather pants shouting “I love college! Let’s get hammered!” Oh college, always sneaking up on me when I least suspect it.

And that’s all I’ve got for today. Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Those little asterisks above mean you can stop reading… So go ahead and stop. But if you haven’t yet, today is the day I’m linking up with Jen for the first time ever for her That’s What She Wrote link-up. To be quite honest, I’m pretty nervous about this link-up because it involves sharing a little bit of fiction. And I never realized how nerve wracking it is to share a little bit of creative writing until it’s time to do so.

(Harlow is my editor)

Chapter 3

Even though I had just been at the hospital a few hours earlier, everything suddenly felt very different to me. I had always come here to see Jack, hopeful of the day we would get to walk through the front doors together and put all of this behind us for good. But Jack was no longer here, and that changed everything. I’d always thought of the hospital as a noisy, crowded place. But as I walked down the hall, the same hall I’d been walking down every day for the past six months, things seemed quieter. It was like everything had been muted except for me.

As I neared the part of the hospital where my family would be waiting I noticed my breathing seemed to get heavier and louder with each step I took. The click of my boots on the hard floor left echoes that followed close behind me. As I became more aware of myself, everything else seemed to get blurrier.

I wondered if this was a normal feeling. I’d read several books on dealing with death in the last few months and every one of them said something different. From what I’d gathered, some people didn’t feel their grief until weeks, sometimes months later. Some were hit with it immediately. My biggest fear was knowing I would be homesick for Jack, I would long for him terribly, and there would never be anything I could do about it. The worry of walking around with that empty feeling for the rest of my life was what kept me awake at night.

Suddenly Toby grabbed me from behind, I hadn’t even heard him approach, let alone call my name several times.

“Toby, you scared me.”

“You scared me! I’ve been calling your name from down the hall!” Toby grabbed me square by the shoulders like he always did, and looked me up and down. “Claire, are you okay?”

I noticed he still had stage makeup on, “Did you come from rehearsal?”

“I did, but it’s fine. I was dreading going over my duet. Even in death, Jack is still getting me out of things I don’t want to do.”

I smiled, “Thank you for coming.” Toby nodded and then tucked a strand of my blonde hair behind my ear.

“Honey, your hair is sticky.”

“I know.”

“I saw Wyatt outside, you didn’t smoke any of his pot did you?”

“I didn’t, kinda wanted to though. Did you?”

“No! Yes. Just a little. You may be able to bottle up your emotions without drugs, but you know I can’t. And I’m pretty sure Wyatt found a dog. Or a dog found him. ”

I perked up at the thought of Bird, “I think I have to go see everyone now, are you coming?”

Acting as if he was offended, Toby dramatically threw his hand into the air, “As if you even had to ask.” He held out his arm and I wrapped mine underneath it.

The minutes that followed were somewhat of a blur. As expected, I recall there was a lot of hugging and crying. The grief was so heavy in the air it made me dizzy. I remember feeling as if I had floated out of my body at some point and was actually just looking down on everything. This wasn’t my life, I was just an outsider observing. So I continued to go through the motions feeling comforted that my life, and my Jack, were actually just waiting for me at home. This would all be over soon at which point I would get to go back to my normal life, with the man I’d been in love with since college, and we could continue to plan out our life ahead.

Before I left, there was one moment that brought me painfully back to my reality. It was a scene I wish I could forget, but I know I never will. Right after we had all said our good byes and were about to leave Jack for the last time, I noticed out of the corner of my eye as Warren, Jack’s father, very delicately adjusted the blanket around Jack as if he was tucking him into bed. It was just a simple gesture I’m sure Warren had done numerous times when Jack was young. He carefully wrapped each side under his legs, folded the blanket back down over his chest, and then gently kissed Jack on the forehead, as a father would his little boy.

And then everything went black.

*****