When you do a new open mic, you just never know what you’re going to get. Like for instance last night my pal, Nate, and I tried out an open mic we hadn’t been to yet at a place called Bootleggers on Division street. Typically, you have to get there early to sign up because there’s usually a list of about 20-30 comedians hoping to get on stage. Well last night there were three. Nate, myself, and a British guy fresh off the plane. As for the audience, well that consisted of four drunk Cubs fans in from Indiana, three regulars posted up at the bar who most likely had been drinking since noon 1979, and then the two bar owners. You know what’s more terrifying that telling jokes in front of a huge audience? Telling jokes in front of no audience. It’s just a little awkward if you can imagine. But Nate and I both had new stuff we wanted to try out so we thought what the hell, we’re gonna get up there and treat it like it was a crowd of 20,000.
It was going fine enough until half way through my set the drunk Cubs fans started rambling on about something I had said, pretty sure they were making fun of Nebraska or something, but they eventually got so loud I had no other choice but to call them out. I politely had to say,
“Excuse me gentlemen, yes you guys in the front, I know this might come as a shock to you, but I can hear everything you’re saying.”
At which point they all just kinda stared at me not sure what to do, because I had clearly broken through the fifth element and they didn’t know how to respond. So I continued,
“I realize this might be hard to understand, what with you four being from Indiana and all, but this isn’t actually a television set up here, this is live my friends, so that means I can hear you. It’s mind boggling I know, but right now you’re interrupting me.”
And then they were incredibly good listeners for the rest of the time and even came up to us afterward to tell us good job and shake our hands. They were just a bunch of sweeties at heart, like I assumed.
Anyway guys, I recently stumbled across a really great site I have to share with you. I know what you’re thinking, just another blogger review blah! But I swear to you, no one has asked me to do this. But when I find a site full of great deals I’ve got to share it with someone! For example just check out all of this used baby lotion! “Most bottles are 1/2-3/4 full.” And that’s a direct quote.
New couch, anyone? This gem is only $30. In fact, “it’s sitting outside right now before it goes to the dump.”
Where is this wonderful site you’re asking yourself? It’s simply a Facebook group from my hometown in Nebraska where people post anything and everything they want to sell or trade. Literally anything. It might be my favorite thing to browse ever. It’s just a goldmine of goodies. But I’ve kept it to myself for long enough. Everything I am about to show you has been posted to the site in the last 48 hours. And thus I bring you today:
The Ten Best Items Up For Grabs From My Favorite Hometown.
This one doesn’t even have a caption, but if I had to guess, I think the camo bag is for sale? Or perhaps the deer antlers on the wall? Or the Sunkist box?
Not one, but TWO bags of marbles. I’m sold.
Wolf bedding. Wait a second, this looks like my old bedding! Damnit, mom.
Satin pink tube top. Perfect for any occasion. Literally any occasion.
Guys, this beauty is “smoke free.” Which we all know is hard to come by in this day and age of so many couches taking up smoking once again.
These are $7, or best offer. But you have to live in 1972. No exceptions.
Phone charger! Man if I had a dime for every time I said, “If only I had another charger for my Motorola Flip Phone…”
This photo just said “$20.” The first comment read, “is it real?” The verdict is still out on this one.
Like I said, this site is a goldmine. I can’t wait to go home in a few short weeks. There’s not a thing I don’t appreciate/love about being from a small town. Good honest folk, doing good honest things. God love it.
*And if you’d like more information regarding how you can actually purchase any of the above items just let me know, I’m simply trying to help my peeps sell their stuff is all.
Cracking me up!!!
HAHAHA I love this entire post! good for you for putting those silly boys in their place! I am definitely sold on the 2 bags are marbles! Everybody needs those babies.
I promise not all Indiana Cubs fans are that rude or drunk…well at least I'm not…rude that is. Good for you for calling them out 🙂
No judgement at all 🙂 They just got a little carried away, then were actually pretty nice guys.
My hometown has a similar Facebook page. I can't get over the people who haggle on the $1 piece of junk?!
YES!! Welcome to the world of Facebook retail. It's amazing. You've never seen "mature" adults turn into middle schoolers so quickly when a $20 area rug from a SFPF house gets posted. QUITE entertaining. (oh, and that would be 'smoke free, pet free'). 🙂
every single day you crack me up! thank you.
first off – props to telling those guys off. seriously, ummm confidence booster, YES! look at you.
and second – my hometown as a page like that too. cracks me up. the shit people put on there AND believe it or not it sells. i can't sell something i post from Crate and Barrel but they can sell junk. Blows.my.mind!
oh dear. those are some real gems up there. especially the USED cloth diapers and the wolf bedding!! YES. sign me up!
xo
Amazing!
One Man's Junk is what they call in my neck of the woods.
Hahaha, Linconsign right? That site is a hot mess! People legit get into internet fights with each other over used shit. It's comical.
I've been needing another bra.
Hahaha yes. Please get me the link tube top. Better yet wear it to your next open mic
Hahahaha. We have one of those groups on Facebook in my town, but nothing that gross. Yikes.
I'm not really sure which couch I'm interested in. Which one would you recommend? My current couch is such a chain-smoker!!
The wolf bedding is my favorite, for sure. I am SUPER weird and LOVE going to as many truck stop/gas stations while taking a road trip. Every one ALWAYS has some kind of wolf decoration (I live in the South). Anyway, like the complete weirdo I am, I have to show my boyfriend the most horrid wolf thingy there. Of course I never buy any of this crap, but I always threaten him that it could be his next birthday or Christmas present. I could never beat the wolf bedding, though.
OMG. That's fantastic. How did you turn out like you when you grew up in the same place as all of them? That's what I'm contemplating.
I'm totally going to sell my underwear. I feel like there's really a market for that.
XO, Samm
http://www.dysfunctionaleverafter.com
We have a Madison Co (KY) "yard sale" site on facebook too…or atleast we did…HILL air e ous!!!
Oh gosh my home town is small and a little "backwoods-ish" and they have stuff like this all the time on the Facebook buy/sell/trade site. I look at it all the time usually just for some laughs.
Oh dear–Lincosign? I'm almost too scared to look at that site. Though it looks like I am missing out on some good deals!! 🙂
We have a couple of these Facebook sites for our county, and some of the things that get posted on their are hilarious!
I call dibs on those marbles.
Is it weird that I wanted to howl as soon as I saw that wolf bedding, wtf???????
But how did you know my tits had marks on them?
You really told those hecklers! That's awesome. You handled that well. How disgusting?? Is anyone seriously going to pay for disgusting used items? Those people are cray!
Ha! My town has a Facebook page like that too & most is junk.
Hi, we have Facebook pages for free, buy, or sale too. They are fun to look at. I know folks who actually make a living selling stuff. Fun read.
Hahahaaha I'm gonna have to send my boyfriend there for that ring! 😉
Wait, is it the fake ring or the fake nails that are for sale? Because that changes the whole game…
Hahahaha..
I think you should get yourself that tube top and wear it to your next performance! Or you could always go wrapped in that wolf bedding.
Happy almost-Friday Taylor!
xo, Hima
Hima Hearts
Bahaha, "is it real?" Yes, those nails modeling the ring scream real diamonds. I need this site in my life.
we have one in my town too. Never fails to get me evey time I log on. I like people who sell old shoes
The nails that go along with the ring photo lead me to assume that it's fake.
Omg this is too much, I just love it! Hahah 🙂
Holy cow, I am busting a g u t at work. Especially the bra one. Ok, no, all of them! It's like what the People of Walmart are selling.
RileyJustesen.blogspot.com
This is too funny. My town as this huge yard sale every year at the hospital and it reminds of what you shared with. I can't believe the things people try to sell it is crazy.
Paulina
Color Me Brave
Kudos to you for calling them out, and kudos to them for remembering to show some respect 🙂 Oh and hey, mind asking about that Sunkist box for me? I spy some DIY potential 😉
Who wouldn't want those lounges they looks awesome…………lol and used nappies well at least they are not used disposable nappies…………..lol
It's been a long time since I laughed out loud at a blog post. This is a freaking gold mine why did you ever leave your hometown?!?
Those items are ridiculous as are the descriptions!
xx
Kelly
Sparkles and Shoes
Umm…my hometown has the exact same facebook group. If you hadn't said Nebraska, I would have thought you were from MO 😉