Guess who’s birthday it is today? This guy’s.
As in my dad. As in the guy who taught me that just because “Washington” doesn’t have an “R” in it doesn’t mean you still can’t pronounce it Warshington… As in the guy from which I inherited my love for Bloody Mary’s.
And the guy from which I obviously get my light locks. And big ears…
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So in honor of my dad’s special day, I’d like to share a list I once wrote about the top ten things I’ve learned from him over the years. Here it is…
The Top Ten Things I’ve Learned From My Dad
1. Always hold your car door!
This is crucial! If you feel even the slightest ounce of wind, hell even if it’s not windy at all just hold the damn door. Rather be safe than sorry. Because the moment you forget to “hold your door!” it will fly off. And it will probably fly into another persons car in which case you will be at fault. I can’t stress this one enough. And while we’re talking about car doors make sure to never slam the damn door either.
2. For God’s sake don’t touch the thermostat.
There is never a reason good enough that will justify this action. Do you know how much money it costs to heat an old house? It’s millions. In the winter put more blankets on the bed, in the summer sleep on the floor. Warm air rises, everybody knows this.
3. If you run a small business never honk or flip someone off in town.
Feel free to scream as many obscenities and throw the middle finger below the steering wheel in the safety of your own car, but you can’t risk letting the person in the opposing car know your anger. What if they’re a client?
4. When in doubt, leave the football stadium early.
Nobody likes to get caught in the hustle and bustle of the crowd. So always leave a game early. Doesn’t matter how close the game is, the end can always be caught on the radio.
5. A bottle of red wine a night is good for the heart.
Read the statistics, doctors agree. And like vitamins, the more you drink the better it is for you. And concerning alcohol in general, remember that on vacation there are no rules or “social guidelines” for drinking. A drink is completely acceptable at any time of the day, all day. And a “vacation” classifies any place where your house isn’t.
6. Never trust a blinker!
Do you think the insurance agency will have any sympathy if you tell them you pulled out because the car had their blinker on? Well they won’t. NEVER TRUST A BLINKER.
7. Nebraska football coaches are the only style icons worth knowing.
Need I say more?
8. Always squeeze toothpaste from the bottom of the tube.
This isn’t difficult, people. There is always more toothpaste at the bottom. Save yourself the agony towards the end and just be consistent with this. It’s not a habit, it’s a lifestyle.
9. Be weary of “glare ice” in the winter.
Don’t know what glare ice is? Well it’s the worst kind of ice on the roads possible. It’s like a mixture of black ice and scary ice and invisible ice. It WILL sneak up on you and it will cause you to lose control.
10. Last, but probably the most important of all-
You will always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Especially if it’s the 1975 game against Columbus and you sink a shot from before half court. It happens, we’ve got the film spool to prove it.
And one more thing, everything happens for a reason.
he and my mom must be in cahoots! every time I am in the car with her in the winter i hear about glare ice non-stop.
Haha! Awesome. "It's not a habit, it's a lifestyle." Love it!
bahaha – i take it your dad doesn't have the best driving record. too too funny. happy birthday to him. many more!
Your dad seems AWESOME! You should have him guest post!
My grandma…yes, grandma…teaches us alcohol is healthy because it kills germs. The more you drink, the less germs you have in your body.
ahhhh I can't stand when people don't squeeze their toothpaste from the bottom. It drives me crazy
Your dad is the man.
haha! True nebraskan! … and that glare ice.. i literally drive like an old lady because my dad scared the bajeebers our of me!
Aww! Your dad sounds awesome! 🙂
I think your dad and my dad must have gone to the same parenting school…except number five would be an entire case of Miller Lite instead of a bottle of wine.
Toothpaste squeezing – It's not a habit, it's a lifestyle… haha, love that!
awww what great tips! 🙂 happy birthday to your dad!
Another favorite post. I also love bloodies and follow you on insta.. What about a post on your fave Chicago bloodies? I've been thinking about documenting my experience with each one. And really, is it that taboo if I order one at 8 pm on Friday?
Your dad sounds like a legend! Happy Happy!
basically he's awesome. leaving football, or in my dad's case, baseball stadiums early has always been proven to be a good idea.
Happy b-day Tay's Dad!
Holy cow! My dad is ALL ABOUT NOT TOUCHING THE THERMOSTAT!!!!! What the hell is that all about??!!! And every time I stay at their house, which is pretty often, he gives me another tutorial on how to work the thermostat and then forbids me to touch it directly following said tutorial. I do not get it. Oh and he also insisted that I sleep with socks on while growing up…he truly believes that this will prevent all illnesses and he(me too in the winter)still does it to this day.
What a handsome guy!! Love #3!! That is some really sage advice!!
What a stud!
Oh my goodness, dads are the funniest! My siblings and I once created the "Pillars of Dad". His top three things he lectures us about. They rotate depending on what he's reading. But it's like he'll forget he's already told us all about it.
Happy birthday to your dad! A good looking dad I might add (in a seriously non creepy way)
hahahahaha!!! hilarious!
He sounds like a great dad, I should know I have a great dad and he sounds like that………lol
My dad pronounces it Warshington also – is yours originally from Pittsburgh? Does he also still call jeans dungarees?