What a doozy of a week this has been. Sure we might be going to war with Syria, and yes tomorrow marks the 16th anniversary of Princess Diana’s death, but what does any of that really even matter when we’ve still got a crazy Miley Cyrus roaming the streets of this good country free to corrupt our children? Two nights ago CNN transitioned from a story about Syria to bring us more information about Miley’s VMA performance. We need to concentrate on the important news stories here my friends, like when did “little horns” come back in style and how come no one told me?
I’ve got a full purple caboodle back in Nebraska full of butterfly clips and tiny elastics just waiting for the day that horns and knots come back in style. And I think that day has come.
But enough about Cuban Pete, let’s get into another edition of The Daily Tay’s Best Week Ever.
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First up, I’ve got to give a big shout out to this awesome reality show couple on the announcement of their soon-to-be baby girl.
Wait, this is real? A Jonas brother really has his own reality show? I guess I didn’t realize they were still around. I’m sorry, I saw this headline and I kind of thought it was a joke. And it appears he’s married to the daughter of a RHNJ lady? Am I right? If I had to guess I would say this is Lexi, Dina’s daughter, all grown up? Well good for them! See, not all Disney stars are doomed for failure.
Speaking of doomed Disney stars, you wanna know who else is really having a good week right now? Sexual predators in Switzerland. Why you ask? Oh just because of the fact their largest city, Zurich, is now offering sex drive-in Mondays, which will be hosted in garage style rooms in the industrial side of the city. But don’t worry, it’s only on Mondays.
You know it’s like taco Tuesday, only taco Monday... Around 30 to 40 women are expected to work at the site each night. Sex workers have to pay 5 Swiss francs per night to make use of the so-called “sex boxes” (because sex garages didn’t quite have the same ring to it) but customers don’t have to pay an entrance fee. Because nobody likes paying a cover fee, am I right or am I right? Hey, at least we live in a country where people still get all uptight about a foam finger.
Guess I might as well move on to that. Foam fingers are officially backkkkkk, and just in time for football season no less. Foam fingers haven’t gotten this much air time since… well I don’t think ever.
So thank you, Miley, for not only giving my friends on Facebook something to talk about as well as worried moms on internet forums everywhere, but more importantly thank you for boosting the sales of foam fingers around the nation, as well.
Speaking of sports, girls who pretend to love Fantasy Football also seem to be having a pretty great week. How do I know? Because it’s all. they. talk. about. They tweet it, they Facebook it, they Instagram it. I understand that some girls truly love fantasy, like Sarah obviously, but I also understand that there’s a large amount of you who just love it for the sake of proving you’re a real “guys gal.” But guess what? That’s okay too! Any reason to pretend to like football is A-ok with me. You know why I love football? For the tailgating and the bloody marys. That’s pretty much it. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
And if anyone really owns this shirt we need to become friends asap. I’m also going to bet you owned a shirt when you were a kid that says “Dance Is A Sport Too!”
All in all guys, there is only one thing having the best week ever. And that’s a three day weekend. Enjoy the lake, or grilling, or tailgating, or whatever it is you choose to do this weekend. At the very least be happy we still live in a country where the only thing we serve at drive-ins are burgers and french fries…. And on that note, lunch is calling my name.
SEX BOXES???? homagah. I wanted to pretend to like fantasy football but it looked like a lot of work, so I'm planning on just enjoying watching the games with my limited knowledge of touchdowns and interference…but mostly I'll enjoy the guys in tight pants.
Taco Monday?!!! Hahahaha that's awesome. And disgusting. And I'm with you on why I care about football. Drinking and friends. Otherwise I really don't care. No but really.
Oh those horn knots! I just don't think they're a cute look on anyone…but maybe you could work some magic with your purple caboodle?
I don't like fantasy football or regular football which officially means I am the least popular person of the week. Oh and those little hair knots, I have a friend who has never stopped wearing them and I'm thoroughly convinced that she's the only person (other than the spice girls, duh) that can pull them off.
Yes! Tailgating is the only thing I like about football! Hate away…
Sex boxes that the girls rent out like salon booths? Interesting concept maybe Vegas will jump on that train.
Until just recently.. I never noticed how large Miley's mouth is. It's almost disturbing. PS- Fantasy Football blows but REAL football is great.. some of us Southern gals were just born into families that had it running through their blood and we had no other choice but to love! Have a great weekend Darling!
hahahaha. to about everything in this post. & sex boxes?? wth. haha
You know who wasn't having the best week ever? Miley's bum! http://boston.barstoolsports.com/around-barstool/miley-cyruss-ass-was-not-ready-for-primetime/
It's like a public service announcement for white girls. "Twerking may include loss of dignity, respect from your peers, as well as your ass. Please twerk responsibly."
OMG! I read about the sex boxes like on Monday and I was like "WHAT THE HECK!?" geez. I thought Swizterland was cool in my book. No mo'.
xo,
Ana Paula
{Visit me at Mommyhood, PhD}
Sex boxes? It's as bad as the Red Light district in Amsterdam but somehow it seems less classy; as if that word could be associated with such activity. I have a purple caboodle too!! I just didn't have the heart to throw it away. I use it to store extra make up that I will probably never use.
I love football. Where football equals an excuse to drink as soon as the sun comes up and eat as many hot dogs as possible.
I once won my fantasy football group (is that what I call it?) I didn't even know my own login, but I did name my team (The Pretty Pretty Princesses) Turns out one of the guys back out of my husband's group and he needed me to fill in. But I couldn't be trusted, which was fair. I didn't know my own LOGIN for crying out loud. But you better believe I bragged the heck out of that win.
And football. I just like to have it on in the house when I'm baking pumpkin pies and making chili. It's like Christmas music for the fall. Tradition.
Taco Monday and Sex boxes, let me go and throw up now. I have heard it all.
Freaking hilarious as usual!
So… I hate to correct you. But America does have sex drive-ins. Or, at least, we did. Near Pittsburgh (should I boast this is also near my hometown??) the first ever drive through strip club existed for a solid 10 years. It was called the Climax. It was even featured on SNL's Weekend Update with Seth Myers and Tina Fey. It has since closed… which disappoints me because I've been working up the courage to see what exactly you get at this drive through… Ah well. I guess I'll never know. Which means I can keep my eyes safely in their sockets.
The good news is, you can purchase the sign for this establishment and own a piece of our proud proud history…
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